birthdays are so weird
you get presents for slowly dying
Is it just me or John Green looks like James Potter nursing Harry?
make john green find the thing
john green will die when he finds the thing
I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.
dean i see ur leg slip
dean do u think ur angelina jolie
i fuck with beyonce bc she can go from this
and that is truly my being
Who’s ready to hear the best joke ever? Ok *clears throat*
A rich snail goes into a car shop, picks out a super fast car, and says “I want a big S painted on the right side, the left side, the front, the back, I want big S’s everywhere.” And the car painter asks “Why?” And the snail says “Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say ‘Wow! Look at that escargot!”
you had me at rich snail
you know when you get out of the cinema and you feel high and drunk or is it just me
SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE A CAN DO ANYTHING AND JUST SO BADASS BUT THEN I JUST SIT IN THE CAR AND QUIETLY GO HOME BUT IN MY HEAD I’M TAKING OVER THE WORLD
I played with a baby wallaroo this morning
ONLY IN ‘STRAYA MATES !
So, you could afford glasses, but not a shirt?
Well I can’t see without them so yeah I sort of have to wear glasses to function.
If I choose not to wear a shirt it’s because I feel like not wearing a shirt, not because I cannot afford it.
How about you reblog the thousands upon thousands of pornographic material with topless woman in it and ask them if they can afford clothes.
Oh wait, that wouldn’t be a problem would it, because a woman can only be topless if it’s in a sexual scenario.
i want a ring that acts as a mini-watch and i can check the time on my finger instead of my wrist
the future is now
the biggest flaw of the harry potter movies to me was the lack of quidditch past chamber of secrets, because i’m a dumb jock
humans are kinda cute we pass stories down generations to instill a sense of wonder in people we’ll never know and we have little bells on our houses to tell each other that we’ve arrived and we shiver when we get cold and we have an endless amount of curiosity and if the night sky is clear our first instinct is to look up at the stars and think about going on big adventures
an octopus is just a wet spider
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
it doesnt matter if the glass is half full or half empty all that matters is if the glass contains vodka